Apple's yearly uncontrollable puke

iPhone 5

Ah, Apple. It's on everyone's lips. Better yet: for good or for bad, half of the world's mouth is stuffed with it: for many, Apple means elegance, design, revolution, innovation; others only see absurd patents and lawsuits, unethical behavior, overpriced and recycled ideas and products, lack of innovation, and a company turned into a money machine by its marketing and legal departments. I'm in the latter group. [Insert smiley face here to reduce tension among Apple lovers]

A new iPhone. Or two

So now iPhone 5, which is one year old at the time of this publication, is no longer continued. No longer sold! Instead, ladies and gentlemen, we have 2 new iPhones: iPhone 5C and iPhone 5S.

Apparently, the iPhone 5 was a pregnant phone and gave birth to two children: to a mentally challenged one and to a slightly better baby phone. And all this in just one year (how fu***d up is that, huh?). This analogy is fun, let me broaden it a bit: since iPhone 5C and 5S are being released at the same time, they are twins, aren't they? Apparently the iPhone 5S was the dominant one in the womb and almost killed the other one, who didn't get enough nutrition to develop mentally.

Yes, yes. It is a confusing story. Apple claims to make things simpler for everyone, but dude, I myself get confused all the time.

Like iTunes? I mean, really, how the fu** does that represent simplicity? I have never experienced a more complex file management software. How does it work? Really. iTunes.

iTunes Ancient Aliens Meme

Like... iPad 3 when it wasn't iPad 3 but just iPad? Apple, screw you, come on. Do you know how confusing that is?

-Is that iPad 3?
-No, it's just iPad.
-You mean iPad, like the first iPad? But that looks thinner, like... iPad 2.
-No, it is the new iPad. This has Retina Display.
-Ah, so... "new" as for "new" after iPad 2, which does not have Retina Display? So... iPad 3, then, or iPad 2S?
-No, man, it's just iPad. Are you stupid?

Back to the main topic. This is what Apple and Apple fans tell you:

"iPhone 5 is an incredible piece of technology, elegant and well designed, that has been redesigned into two new versions: iPhone 5C and iPhone 5S. 

We realize that iPhone 5 is such a wonderful piece of technology, that more people should experience it, and that is why we have created iPhone 5C, now with all the features iPhone 5 offers, but at a more affordable price and coming in a colorful design.

iPhone 5S is our new big improvement; the next iPhone. Better, faster, more powerful and with a new design."

And this is what I see:

"iPhone 5 was (past tense because this is it, caput, c'est fini, se acabó amigos) an incredible piece of technology (like iPhone 4 and then iPhone 4S) elegant and with the exact same design as the previous iPhones, that has been discontinued to take advantage of some of the spare parts, reassemble them and sell them as new products that you totally need: iPhone 5C and iPhone 5S.

We realize that our products are over-prized as fuck, so we are going to chill the fuck out a bit and pretend that we are having a good gesture by selling the iPhone 5 "cheap" by making it colorfully plastic, heavier and thicker. We have called it the iPhone 5C. The C stands for cheap, folks, in case you haven't noticed.

iPhone 5S is our new improvement, the next iPhone. Understand that, for improvement, we refer to adding a slightly upgraded camera and processor, and a couple of new minor fancy features. Slightly better, slightly faster, slightly more powerful and... we have changed the colors: instead of black and white now we have silver, gold and gray. Look. Kind of like Pokémon video games."

So yes, summing up, the iPhone 5C is a cheaper iPhone 5, and the iPhone 5S is its upgraded version.

Apple works backwards

The same principle goes for most of the major, monstrous, multinational technology companies, but sometimes I think Apple is so unethical that it works backwards. Let me explain. 

Apple releases "new" products every few months, which in reality, are small upgrades of the last product, usually making it smaller, or adding something insignificant to the cameras, processor, or display. Time to time "big" upgrades strike, like every 3 years. The change is so gradual that we don't really notice.

And here it's where the "working backwards" thing comes. They have created on paper the iPhone 10S and they are getting there from iPhone 1, going through iPhone 1S, iPhone 2, iPhone 2S, iPhone 2S 2.0. You get me.

They have months, or even years-ahead planned and accessible technology very well kept in secret, and so do the other companies, but the good business is to release technology in a disposable manner. Consumerism is the key, and disposable products do a great job to keep it up to a good level. By slightly upgrading the last product, disposability is served.

Take the example of the front camera in the iPhone 5. It is 3 years old. We are talking about a claimed vanguard company. The front camera hasn't changed in 3 years. 

This time, for iPhone 5S, they have upgraded it by making the sensors slightly bigger. Man. Just... change the fucking camera already. Just change it.

iOS 7 logo

iOS 7

The visual design of iOS hadn't changed for 6 years. But it is OK, here we have iOS 7. Beautifully designed: kind-of-retro-looking icons, fancy transitions and effect, cool finger-gestured functionality, and so on. The visuals are cool, I have to admit.

And finally, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, some basic functionality that most of the operating systems from the competence had for years!

Sharing files via WiFi or Bluetooth? Organizing your pictures, anyone? A "select all/none" button in the camera roll? Changing the name of an album without actually deleting it? Finally they have taken care of some of those! After so long.

Conclusion

Apple continues with its formula. It works. It gives profit. What I don't like and I bet many others are with me on this, is that Apple has turned into just a money machine. Apple is good at selling stuff, but not really great at custom service, repairing, innovating or taking care of business ethics. Apple does not really care about pushing the limits of innovation anymore, it just does what it does: making profit.