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| Gentleman Google holding a birthday cake. Deliciously smart. |
Well, I am referring to Google as the "Gentle Giant Google", but it is actually pretty damn scary. Since 2006, there's even a new word in the English dictionary after it: now we say "Google it" when we refer to "look for it on the internet" or "do a research on the topic". Crazy, isn't it? Well, yeah. It was even considered the "most useful" Word of the Year for 2002.
But we are not going to get boring here and talk about the details of Google's history. Come on, you have the Internet for that. Just "Google it."
Google not only do has a rich ass. It is not just powerful, influential, mysterious and well-behaved (or at least that is what it shows to the public), but it is also pretty amusing. It is the kind of gentleman every woman would like to marry, isn't it?
Google is amusing
For example, every April Fools' Day is a surprise with this folks. Oh my, even I am getting wet (it's sweat, dirty minds!) [Sighs].
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| Pigeons working for Google |
In 2002 they announced that behind the successful Google's ranking page technology there were pigeons working. Yeah. Pigeons. They called it PigeonRank™. Aren't they amusing, these guys?
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| Google's space elevator |
Another time they said they were planning to open a research facility on the Moon: Googlunaplex. I would buy it, considering these guys. In fact, rumors about Google secretly working on a space elevator were aired in 2011. Apparently not true in the end.
And yet during another April Fools' Day they played with the feelings of all those poor people sitting at home in front of their computers (or their job's computers), hoping to find, or be found by, their soulmate. Google Romance promised to use Google technology to find you a partner. Funny. Cruel and sweet at the same time. The perfect combination to be loved by everyone.
And as a corollary, this year's April 1st, they said that Youtube was just a system to participate in a 8-years-long contest to select a single best video before shutting down the entire service. LOL, LMAO, ROLF, [insert derivative here].
They play pranks on millions of people. I play pranks on my grandma and small cousins... they are easy to fool. And I thought that I was awesome. How sad.
Google is rich
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| Google users' broken hearts look like this |
Economically, next to Google, Facebook looks like a beggar.
Google: "5 billion, you say? By doing what?"
Facebook: "I... help people... find their childhood friends."
Google: "Meh. No wonder about the low figures, then. I'm not buying you."
Facebook: "F*** you! You are ugly!" [runs away crying]
The most expensive acquisition made by Google was Motorola Mobility LCC. It was bought for $12.5 billion, no more no less, you don't have to guess. Well, wait. $12,500,000,006.75. I'm sorry, I didn't count the coffees and cake at Star-bucks for Larry, Sergey and Mr. Moloney. Larry said "hey, Mr. Moloney, this coffee's on us". Sergey kicked him under the table while smiling and nodding.
Currently Google is making more money. And it still offers its services for free and for everyone (except a couple of things). And... probably we pay with our privacy as currency, anyway.
Google is omnipresent
Google's everywhere. Just think about it. Google Maps? Every single human being on Earth has used that thing for something. Except for isolated members of ancient tribes in the jungles of Amazon (who have other entertainment activities like hunting for monkeys or shooting blowpipes -which I would consider instead Google Maps, too-). Or babies. But that is just because they don't know sh**.
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| 2013 Google logo's sketch |
Youtube: after Facebook and Google itself, the most visited webpage. And who doesn't know Youtube? Some critics refer to it as "the new television". And it is quite true: the most popular things on Youtube are based on quite an "unimportant" and brainless content. Random, crazy, absurd stuff. I'm not saying it is bad. But it is, damn it. Sorry for those who love him, but look at the most popular Youtube channel nowadays: PewDiePie. Like many, many, many others, this is a channel about video games. You sit and watch a dude play video games. Sure, they are funny. But that is it. They earn crazy amounts of money for it. Other than the effort put into making videos (which takes hours of work), I can't see a proper justification for such an amount of fame for the content they develop.
And what about Android? The second most popular mobile operating system after iOS, from Apple. Recently getting closer to iOS' popularity, Android is a good reason for Apple to put more effort on their mobile operating system. And that is good news, I think. Monopoly leads to poor products, in most cases.
Google is... scary
And then we have the dozens of services that Google offers, used by millions of people. They can physically locate you in the world, they give you email, blogs, videos, analytic tools, translation... but most of all, they take you to wherever they would like when it is a matter of looking for things on the Internet. Google is the kid with the highest number of popular trading cards on the playground, guys. And that is scary. Who knows what Google could do behind the curtains?
